The secret is….

…There is NO secret.  Honestly.  There is no answer that will be revealed when you’ve learned enough, or suffered enough.  There is no Secret to happiness, success or lasting contentment.  AND THATS GREAT NEWS!

Great news for all of us; there is no secret to any of the things we all strive for – happiness, success in love work business relationships parenthood…The list goes on.  There are plenty of opportunities, new things to learn, choices to be made and some of them may be painful.  These things will all be in your control and you are capable of deciding which ones you want to put effort into, which ones will lead you where you want to go.

The idea that you can read a book, take part in a programme or work with a Coach and suddenly you’re going to have all the answers is a myth.  I’m not sure where it started, and I know the idea of a secret was around long before people started to talk about “the universe delivering” or even “What goes around comes around.”  I have to say that, in my opinion, these are two of the other great myths of our time.

The one truth that does apply to all the really happy, successful people I know is a simple one:  they’ve all worked really, really hard to get where they are.  Did they all believe they were going to succeed?  No, not always.  Did each of them have amazing support behind them? Again, no; neither financial or moral support were particularly relevant to their success.  Each of them has a very different journey, a unique story of their life.  And not one of them believes there is a Secret to their success.

I had a client a few years ago, who spent the best part of 20 years going from training programme to retreat, to mentor, to coach and most recently, back to University (in her 50s).  While I’m all for personal growth and learning, there is a time when you have to actually put what you’ve learned into practice.  So what’s keeping her so engaged in learning?  She’s searching for that promised Secret, and she’s not quitting until she finds it!

Let’s learn from her experience and from the truly successful people around us (however we choose to measure that) and spend less time looking for “the answer” and instead, start creating our own results, which we can take credit for.  It’s no secret that’s got to feel good!

Have an excellent day

Dinah

 

If the hat fits….

When I launched my first business venture in my late 30’s, I wanted to be the best International Event Manager in my field. I wanted to run superb, memorable events that people were clamouring to attend. I was clear about the hat I wanted to wear; I knew it fitted and suited me and that I felt good in it.

I did not anticipate the many other hats that came with running a business and I certainly had not anticipated the need to wear many of them at the same time. I was overwhelmed by the expectation that I would willingly wear them, having never so much as tried them for size or made a choice about colour or style. Indeed many of the hats were ones I had consciously avoided and had been only too pleased to leave behind on the hat stand for someone else to wear.

When a business starts to grow, the hat we chose spends less and less time on our head each day. The joy we had in creating something and delivering it with pride to a client is overshadowed by the constant demands that we serve our business needs and not just those of our customers. We have to “work on our business not in our business” investing time in planning for the future and creating a legacy. With every success it is easy to be moved further away from the very passion that inspired the business to be born.

I think it helps to be clear about our identity and how we see ourselves. I remember speaking at a networking group several years ago, and I referred to “sole traders” as being self employed people and not businesses. A member of the audience took offence at what I said and asked me “what’s wrong with being a sole trader? Not everyone wants to build an empire you know”. My answer to him was that I had not explained myself clearly – there was nothing wrong with being a sole-trader, far from this. To have recognised your core strength and deliver that to clients with focus and passion was a gift. A conscious decision not to work on your business, but to work in it. Clearly the right decision for him as he was highly successful.

This conversation gave me clarity with several of my clients at that time (and since) as they struggled to wear the entrepreneur hat, which did not fit them and would never feel comfortable. They had left behind their real passions in order to build a business and lost touch with the thing that drove them and kept them engaged and inspired. They believed success meant wearing all the hats regardless of whether they had the skills, or the inclination, to do so effectively. Many of them did not see the possibility of others wearing some of the hats.

The successful entrepreneurs among my clients were happily trying the hats on for size and then actively seeking out the right people to wear them. They worked hard at building relationships and making connections with people who had the skills that they lacked. They were happy to pass the hats around and spend time in the hat they had selected for themselves from the beginning. They trusted those around them and took risks with the hats when it was called for. And they knew their strength lay in wearing one hat.

The main reason people give me for wearing all the hats is that the business isn’t ready for them to take someone on yet. “I would happily pass over that hat if we had more business coming in” “I would love to give that to someone else to do, but I know they’d need my input so it’s quicker to do it myself.” What I hear is that they are not ready to hand over the hat. They haven’t yet got the people they trust around them; or perhaps they didn’t give the people around them a chance to try on the hats.

One team I worked with in 2009 was a business that had started with three friends and had now grown to a team of 19. The three founders were wearing all the hats and were, not surprisingly, frustrated with their results and lack of team engagement. We purchased a hat stand and the team placed all the hats on the stand – between them the three men were taking 12 hats away from the team. For one month, each had to wear just one hat a day, and the rest of the team shared the remaining hats between them. The results were significant and the hat-stand remains to this day.

Try taking a couple of hats off and hanging them out on your hat stand. Let others know they can try them on for size without commitment or fear of failure. If the hat fits – wear it and if it doesn’t then take it off and share it.

I originally wrote this blog for virgin.com as one of their featured VIBs (very Important Bloggers). 

Is there anybody out there?

Running your own business can be all absorbing, exciting, challenging and – lonely. It can feel like nobody knows what’s happening in your world; how important it is that the next stage of your website is ready or that your followers went up by 30 this week. Sometimes, when you are running your own business, it feels like you’re totally alone. The good news is, there are lots of business owners in the same position, feeling isolated and frustrated, questioning their commitment and ability to succeed on their own, every day.

Getting strong foundations in place to support you, at every stage of your business, is a great way to ensure you can build and stand strong in difficult times – like now. It is never too late to start; we can put foundations in place at every stage of our business, for the next stage.

Here are some ideas to get you started:

  • Be honest about where you are, right now. Are you isolated because you choose to be or because of genuine restrictions? Are you creating opportunities to meet new people, people who are also building a business.
  • Be clear about who you are looking for. This is not about hunting for clients. This is about building a “tribe” around you, a group of people you can depend on. Like-minded people who are there to support and encourage each other.
  • Don’t worry – it doesn’t have to get “touchy-feely” this is about letting people know when you need support. Sharing those challenges and being prepared to say “I’m not fine right now.”
  • Ask for help. Sounds simple – so why don’t we do it? Usually because we believe we should know something already, that we should have the answers or be able to find them ourselves. We are concerned that our credibility will be damaged; in truth, credibility is often built when we have the courage to ask for help and to take the action required to resolve an issue or learn something new.

When we feel isolated it is easy to forget that we can start a conversation too. Taking the initiative can be a step into the dark but it’s worth taking. I was asked by a client this week whether to stop tweeting as he had not been getting much response. I suggested that he stop tweeting statements and start asking questions; he had his first reply within four minutes. He started a conversation. You don’t need to wait for someone else to break the silence, you can take the first step – and don’t be put off it takes a while to get a response, people have to get to know you.

I often joke that my commute is around 30 seconds – from my home office to my sitting room. I enjoy a little gloat when my ex-colleagues talk about their 90 minute daily journey, squashed on the tube, getting up-close and personal with a stranger’s armpit. And then I remember how many people I would smile at on my journey home, how many people I said “Good evening” to, how a small group of us used to meet and share our day on the journey home. Even that brief interaction was an important part of my day.

Without a commute, it is important to create time with others. If leaving your office is not an option, there are a plethora of tools available to allow you to hold on-line meetings with cameras allowing participants to feel more connected. If you are able to leave the office – then do it. Take a look at what is on locally that is of interest and go. It may not be a business related event and that’s great; business people have lives and interests too! Schedule an appointment ever y week; an appointment called “Time with others” or “Finding out who else is out there” whatever works for you and stick to it.

There are plenty of people out there, all it takes is “Hello” to start the conversation.

I originally wrote this for Virgin.com when I was a VIB (Very Important Blogger).  Since then. we have moved to a tiny village in Wales, where our closest friends are a number of miles away. It would be even easier now to become isolated.  I’m finding new and fun ways to get out into the community as I can and loving the connections it is creating for me.

 

What’s your excuse?

It’s February!  Yes, it really is. January has passed and along with it go so many ‘best intentions’ and ‘new goals’ and ‘I really mean it this time’s; yes, the dreaded resolutions that are set, year after year, in some inane attempt to become someone else.  It reminded me of this blog I wrote during my time as a blogger for Virgin and I believe it’s worth sharing here.

“As we rapidly approach the end of another year and start winding down for the festivities, many of us will reflect on the past 12 months; some with more satisfaction than others.

Some will take a contented, almost smug look at their list of achievements for the year. They will review the goals they exceeded, the new projects they embraced along the way, the challenges they overcame and the crisis that became their best client of the year. They will celebrate those successes and learn from the journey.

Some will ponder the lack of progress towards their goals and consider whether they were simply overambitious. They will cite the obstacles that were placed in their way and the general bad-luck that prevented them achieving their targets. These same people will undoubtedly be setting new-year’s resolutions before Big Ben has finished chiming on December 31st, only to start the same process in motion for next year.

It is easy to set goals, to create a list of business-like targets that show we are serious about our futures and see potential in our product or service. Achieving them is another matter, and stems fundamentally from our own commitment to the outcome. In a blog I wrote earlier this year, I talked about setting goals and how the language we use impacts our results. Creating a list of goals / dreams / targets requires clarity and takes time; much more time than most people put in. And before you can start on a list, I recommend taking the following steps:

1) Step a year into the future – you’ve just had a fabulous year; one that you will never forget. One that you are really proud of. If you were to write about your achievements over the past 12 months, what would you write? Do it – you may be surprised by what you write.

2) Imagine that one month in your life was represented as a 24 hour day. Think about how you would want to spend that 24 hours. Who would you spend it with – and how much time would you give to each person or activity? Fill in your ideal 24 hours – a 24 hours that reflects the perfect balance for you. Now fill in your current 24 hours – how are you really spending your time and it is serving where you want to be in 12 months time?

3) Think big – no bigger than that, I’m talking real no-box-thinking. If anything was possible, who would you call? If there were no limits to your capacity and energy what would you achieve? Think dreams, think “yeah right!” and make a list. Then, with total honesty (remember this is your list) write what is stopping you achieving each of the things you’ve written on that list. Then cross off any reasons you have written that are simply excuses.

The truth is that you are the only reason you cannot achieve your dreams. You and your excuses. Far safer not to start than to start and fail, right? Wrong. Every excuse we create, every justification we make, we are simply reinforcing our own belief that we are not going to succeed. Pioneers, trailblazers, risk-takers and successful entrepreneurs don’t make excuses, they make connections. They involve their networks, their trusted contacts and they come up with solutions. They take a different approach and challenge the limiting behaviours that hold others back from success.

If you decide to make one change this year, one significant change that will increase your enjoyment and success, make it this – “no more excuses”.  ”

I originally wrote this blog for Virgin.com where it was published as one of my VIB (Very important bloggers) posts.  I have amended it slightly to share with you again.

 

You can have it all ladies….

I am happy with my lot. I know in my life I can have it all; motherhood, success, a happy marriage (27 years and counting), exotic holidays, a wonderful home, time with great friends, fabulous car, a wardrobe full of clothes I love, immaculate house hair and nails….. Sounds like a dream doesn’t it?

Many women ask me “how can I have it all?” and I have the same answer for every one of them…..

You can have it all – just not all at the same time.

My wonderful list is not all about now. I have had times where about half are happening for me together; I’ve had times where I have chosen to squeeze too many in – and lost sight of the really important ones. Why does “having it all” have to mean right now. Like spoiled children stamping our feet, are we simply throwing a tantrum? Is our perception of other women so warped that we believe we are failing if we aren’t juggling a million balls at once? Do we really believe there are women out there doing this single-handed and effortlessly? Get real!

The truth is they are all making choices; not all of them ideal. Compromise and patience may not feel comfortable alongside ambition and determination, but without them you are setting yourself up for failure on so many levels. We can choose to beat ourselves up for failing to vacuum, we can choose to berate ourselves as appalling mothers for missing swimming club or we can choose to acknowledge what we achieve each day and celebrate it.

So where do you start? A reality check would be a good beginning. When you talk about “having it all” what does that really mean to you? I’m confident that “beating myself up regularly” isn’t on there, so what is? No box thinking here – what does it really look and feel like?

The second step is more challenging; ask yourself who are you doing this for? Do you want others to speak about you as the woman who “has it all” ? Are you still attempting to make your father proud of his little girl? What exactly are you hoping to achieve? Being honest about this can be hugely liberating. My own experience showed me this clearly in my mid 30’s when I finally stopped trying to impress others and made my achievements simply for myself. I got so much more satisfaction and a huge sense of achievement and I saved all that energy and time!

The third and biggest step of all is to find juggling partners. Put people around you with the right skills and juggling becomes entertaining. Asking for help and trusting others are big obstacles for many of us. Asking for help can feel like failure – if you want it to. However, asking another to bring their skills to the party, to be a part of your team, is a compliment to them. If they value you they will be chuffed that you asked; they will understand it is a big deal for you. Do something totally non-selfish today and ask someone to be part of your juggling team – you’re inviting them on tour.

Over a life-time we really can have it all. We can appreciate every part of it more if we stop and take a good look in at our own lives. Those women you believe have it right are juggling too, they just realised they didn’t have to do it alone. They shared the load – and the balls!

Dinah x

I originally had this blog posted on virgin.com as one of their  VIBs (Very Important Bloggers)

 

Are you celebrating your successes?

 

Are you celebrating your successes?

In the current financial climate, there is so much negative talk and focus that it is easy to lose sight of our achievements. The successes we have on a daily basis that should be noted and celebrated. Yet these get lost in the noise and overlooked; taking with them our energy and drive, our determination and self-belief, our entrepreneurialism. We are so “busy” looking at the targets and goals we miss the ones we have already achieved.

There is no question it is tough being in business right now. We are reminded of this fact constantly, by the media, our peers, our families and our creditors. Everywhere we turn, the news is grim – and getting worse by the hour. The spiral of depressing financial and business news is bound to impact us. How we let it impact us is still our choice. We can chose to buy-in to the doom and gloom, tighten our budgets, limit our spending and feel anxious. We can also make a choice to celebrate the successes during such tough times.

Success doesn’t have to be a gold medal or a £million deal. Success is often about the first, tentative steps. Steps taken despite the fear of failure or rejection. Steps taken when everyone is telling you to stand still and bide your time. Success is about still being here, every day, with the right attitude and belief to keep driving forward on your path. Success can be in the smallest things, the actions we take towards positive change, the conversations that start a relationship, the long-resisted phone call to build a bridge. Unless we take the time to celebrate these steps, we drift onto the path being set by others and lose our way.

Focussing on success can be surprisingly difficult. In a society where we seem to relish the negative, being positive can prove hard work and takes dedication and planning. I am not suggesting you write a “positivity plan”, I am suggesting that you plan a strategy to allow you to remain positive if you wish to succeed. I see negativity as a habit – a pattern of behaviour we now do on auto-pilot; we are oblivious to the language we adopt, the behaviour we repeat and the company we keep that encourages and nurtures that negativity. So, like any habit, it can be broken – with the right planning.

Becoming aware of the negativity is key to changing the habit. Making a simple choice about how we start our day can set the tone for your attitude and success. Watching breakfast television may bring you gently out of your stupor, but if hearing the news reminds you of everything negative, then breakfast radio might prove more positive.   Being in the gym might be great for your abs but if it reinforces your negative personal-image, then find an alternative with fewer mirrors and perfect bodies around you. Spending time with friends is a great way to unwind, unless you have an energy-draining relationship. You can chose to continue or chose to change.

A few years ago I realised one of the most negative aspects of my daily routine was my “To do” list. Writing the list was negative – it reinforced that I was juggling too many things and felt overwhelmed ; completing items on the list was negative – I crossed out things I had done (when I was at school, if something was crossed out it meant it was wrong); at the end of each day I looked at all the things I had not crossed out and felt I had not done enough. I changed this habit – and now write my “look what I did today list” at the end of each day. This reinforces the positive contributions and steps I have achieved and gives me a clear picture of what I need to do the next day. It allows me time to celebrate my successes and acknowledge them.

We all know that success is very attractive. You will soon find that celebrating and acknowledging successes in your business attracts the type of clients and associates you want to work with. Be a success champion and celebrate the success of others around you too. Enjoy your success – and invite everyone to the party.

Dinah

•I originally wrote this Blog for Virgin.com as one of their VIBs (Very Important Bloggers) 

 

Alan Rickman – an agent of change

 

Alan Rickman was one of those actors who I always believed; no matter whom he was creating or representing in his portrayals, I always felt he nailed it and brought the character to life.

“Actors are agents of change,” he said. “A film, a piece of theatre, a piece of music, or a book can make a difference. It can change the world.”

I love this quote and it has certainly been true for me; many actors have influenced me politically, emotionally, even spiritually and had a lasting impact on my choices in life.

Hearing  he had passed away from Cancer today, a sense of sadness hits me that had barely healed a scab since the news that Bowie had died. “Not another one!” I shout at the Guardian online news report; “What the f••• is going on!”

I know partly that what’s going on is I’m getting older (does a little dance of celebration, as being ‘in my late 40s’ has never been on the plan due to my health) and therefore my ‘heroes’ are starting to reach the age where it is inevitable we will hear they have died.

I wonder if it’s also that since my own diagnosis, knowing I’m living with a ‘terminal’ condition, I feel the deaths with a different perspective.  I am not afraid of death, of my own dying. I am, however, fearful for those I leave behind; I worry about how they’ll cope in certain situations without me, who will comfort them in times of crisis or need and whether they’ll remember the recipe for my chocolate brownies. Hearing about the passing of Lemmy, Bowie and Alan, my first thoughts were for their families.

I’m so pleased to have been born during a time where we can continue to enjoy the legacy each of these amazing men leave behind (and of course many more); being able to play their music, listen to their words or watch their work, is a real blessing.  It makes me grateful for things like this blog, where my family will be able to look back and remember what mattered to me, and for places like Facebook where I’ve shared moments that made us giggle or cringe.

Thinking of Alan’s words, believing we can all be ‘agents of change’ I wonder what I’d most like to have had an impact on in my lifetime, what I’d like to look back on and say ‘I helped to change that’?  Will it be something ‘big’, like being involved in a campaign, or something ‘small’, like giving someone confidence to make a change for the better in their lives?

As an Agent For Change, what would you love to leave for others to remember you for?

The gift to myself of a clean slate for my mum-in-law

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I’ve known my husband for 31 years this month and by association, I’ve known his mother, Elma. Over those three decades our relationship has been interesting; we are both strong-willed women and at times we’ve clashed head-on whilst in times of crisis we’ve supported each other un-conditionally.

when John and I took the decision to live in Wales, with Elma, it was a life changing decision from which we knew there would be no going back. We knew mum would feel safer and less isolated if we lived closer to her, we knew we wanted this to be our last house move and we also knew it would be a challenge to find somewhere that suited all of us, with very different lifestyles. Our greatest concern was that we’d find it a huge challenge to live too close to each other, as we all like our own space and wanted to be sure that would be respected.

within a few weeks of Elma arriving in Wales, I began to struggle with our relationship; I found I was losing my temper frequently, feeling undermined and taken for granted. When I started to resent her for having fun in her volunteering work, which she goes to every day now, I knew I had to challenge my feelings or we were doomed to failure.

“I don’t know what to do differently” I said to John, “I’m doing everything I can to make this work, but mum is just driving me mad. She’s doing nothing to contribute here, she’s out enjoying herself all day while we’re working our **** off…”

This was one of those moments where I’m reminded why I love my husband and why we’re so good together; he helps me see things so differently.

“I know mum’s upset you over the years, I know she’s said and done things that really were pretty bloody awful, that you’re still unable to think about without getting angry or tearful. So how about letting it go? How about giving yourself the gift of a clean slate?”

“A clean slate? You mean what about forgiving her?” I was getting angry, could feel myself thinking that, yet again, I was going to have to back down for the sake of peace and quiet.

“Not forgiveness, you don’t really believe in that, you hang on to feelings and then you end up going over and over what it was that upset you. No, I’m talking about totally wiping the slate clean, behaving as if our life with mum starts here and now, today. No “history” together, no details of who had done what or said what in the past and no blame. A new beginning. How would that feel?”

i had to think about this idea for two days; mulling it over in my head, looking at why this might actually be a clever idea and also looking at whether I was able to stick with it, to actually let go of these memories that served no purpose in my life other than getting me angry and feeling hard-done-by.

This was about ego, my ego! This was me choosing to stay angry with Elma for things she’d said and done already, some of them many years ago. How was this serving me? What was I getting out of staying attached to this stuff? Honest answer – nothing positive or helpful was coming from it and it was making me stressed and not that nice to be around.

The following day, I got up with a new slate, fresh and clean in my mind.  I decided to give myself that gift, to allow myself to live in the moment and enjoy it for what it is, to experience my own joy and not allow my head-talk to go back to past experience, focussing instead on the now.

Six months in to our new lives, the slate is still clean and I’m possibly the calmest and most content I’ve ever been. I’ve learned something hugely important about how I had remained stuck because I dwell on things that seem ‘unfair’ that are not resolved. I’ve also learned that somethings will never be resolved, simply stirred up and re-lived with many different versions of people’s truth.

Wiping the slate was a real gift to myself, one of the most precious ones I’ve had. It has given me a new life and a new sense of happiness I had not experienced before. Who is holding you back and keeping you in a place of anger or self-doubt? Imagine what you could achieve if you started with a clean slate in that relationship…

Giving dementia the shove with purpose

when John’s mum came to live with us last year, she was an elderly lady who was becoming frail, forgetful and lonely. She most of her day watching television alone or meeting the occasional neighbour for an organ recital (it’s what we call it when people get together and moan bout their organs and ill health) and had no sense of purpose. She felt like she’d lived the most important part of her life and was now getting ready to die.

We’ve been in Wales with her since December 2014 and from the first month here, I started to suggest ways she could get out a bit, including doing some volunteering at the local Red Cross shop in Llandovery. After a little gentle persuasion, she went to explore it in February. And we haven’t looked back.

she’s a new person. She’s gone from someone who saw the negative in everything, someone who always moaned about her day, to a woman with a smile constantly on her face and a positive story to share about the day she’s had.  She works there every day except Sunday and even went to work on the last bank holiday. And every day she comes home with a sense of achievement and purpose. People are popping in to the shop just to see her and have a chat, she’s part of a team and a community.

I’d love politicians to see the kind of impact this can have in a very short time for elderly people. Elma had worked all her life, often in multiple jobs at a time to keep their head above water and then, aged 65, she stopped; not gradually, just stopped over night. The job title that had defined her for so much of her adult life had gone. Who was she meant to be now? When she lost her husband, John’s dad Alf, this sense of total lack of importance became overwhelming.

yet now, she is making a contribution to a charity and the people of a community, she’s watching less television (positive mentally and  economically as it means heating and electricity are turned off all day) And it’s costing the Government nothing, indeed I’d suggest it’s saving them money as she’s healthier and happier and thus less likely to need assistance.

It wasn’t an easy decision to live with mum-in-law, but I’m proud of us for taking the choice and making such a difference to Elma. She’s 78 years young this month and looking younger every day!

dinah x

Bitter sweet victory?

I love watching Formula One. I’ve always loved cars; watching and driving and even being driven (as long as it’s by someone who understands the need for a gap between you and the car in front!) and I’m often referred to as a petrol Head.

when F1 announced the new cars this year, I was looking forward to it, a chance perhaps to see who would be winning when it was less about one team and more about the array of exciting drivers and what they bring to the sport.

And I haven’t been disappointed, it’s been exciting to watch with several changes at the top and inter-team battles that add to the feeling that it’s anyone’s Championship this year.

I’ve wanted it to be Lewis Hamilton’s time. I’ve wanted it so much as I see the joy, pride and excitement from his family watching; his father a constant support with a face that shows his delight.

yet I asked myself, as Lewis won at Singapore, “why am I not more excited that he won” “why am I not thrilled that he’s just moved into the lead for the Championship?”

It’s his attitude. His attitude has turned my support into disappointment, into a sense that this young man is still, very much, a boy.  I find myself wondering if he has a decent Mentor; someone who not only listens and supports him on his journey, but someone who tells him to put his ego back in it’s box!  A person who has the courage to say “get over yourself!” and to explain that we are all judged on our behaviour when we lose as much as when we win.

If you’re a business owner and you spend your time shouting about why others should not be a success, or making remarks that hint at discontent or sour-grapes, it will take very little time for your peers to learn to avoid you and not get involved with your network.

As a ‘Star’ whether it’s in sport or theatre, screen or radio, we’ve allowed egos to get so huge, self-confidence to become arrogance and self-belief to become cockiness to such an extent I suspect it will take a major mood-shift to change things.

So my message to Lewis Hamilton, before every victory becomes bitter-sweet, is to pack up your ego for a while and borrow some of the real passion and thrill that Daniel Ricciardo is obviously enjoying; remember those thrilling emotions you started racing for? Get back into that zone Lewis, where you’re treasuring the chance to live your dream. Many people watching wish they were that lucky.

Dinah